Hi My Love,
I hope to get to read this before leaving for NY. I know you are feeling
a lot of pain associated with the growth of being yourself right now and
I want you to know you are NOT going through this alone. I am with you
always and want to support you, hold you up, while you evaluate the proper
path to take regarding your happiness. You have so much to give to others
and the joy we all receive from your pleasing personality is not going
unnoticed by me. He has every right to be himself and do the things that
interests him most, but it should not take away from your needs and desires
to have a loving relationship that is nurturing. We all have to learn to
compromise to a degree. There's a statement in the Urantia Book that says,
"service of a friend for a friend should never be considered a sacrifice."
A sacrifice is feeling like the other person OWES you something because
you have giving up something of great importance to yourself in place of
something that is more important to the other. When we truly love someone,
we are happy to go the extra mile because WANT to; we feel it is more important
to give than to receive. I know that you do not exclude him from your activities.
You have tried to include him in the things you are passionate about many
times. You can lead a horse to water, but you can't make him drink. Some
things we just have to accept.
Ask him to write down what he wants to be doing a year from now, five
years from now, ten years from now and 20 years from now. You do the same
and then compare and find out where you can compromise. There will be some
things you will not want to compromise on. If the directions for the future
are too diverse to agree on, you will have a better idea of what direction
you need to take to fulfill your life's goals. Sometimes in life, two partners
come to a place in their path where there is a fork and one goes left and
the other goes right. The problem is that they don't get to that fork at
the same time so each has no idea which path the other has taken until
a long distance has passed. The farther one travels down their path, the
more difficult it becomes to communicate with the other because the distance
is so great. They can either decide to go back to the fork and choose the
same path or attempt to cut a new trail toward each other, meet in the
middle and choose a new direction; both of which are difficult to do. Of
course, they can continue on their individual paths but it will require
more yelling and less communication because their paths are so far apart.
It is possible to gradually bend the paths back toward the middle and meet
where they can continue their journey together. That's what happens to
many couples who separate for a time and then get back together after working
out a direction that’s fulfilling to both.
I'm tell you all this, even though I'm sure you are already aware of
it, because I want you to know that I understand your struggle and want
to be there for you when you need someone to talk to about it. It's scary
to think about making decisions that drastically effect the lives of the
ones you love most. But if you feel that you are sacrificing something,
it's a flag to consider your true feelings about the matter. I feel that
is okay to redirect your path for his as long as you don't feel that you
will begrudge him later because you choose his way and not yours. Someone
I dearly respect once told me to be myself. And if being yourself means
that you joyfully want to make changes that will be more in line with his
life goals, then be true to yourself and do it. It's okay to make changes
in support of loved ones. It's something we all do and do willingly.
Do you feel that too much of your time and energy is devoted to me
right now and that you should be spending more of it to secure your current
relationship? Am I taking away something from you that would be better
used at home? Can you be what you want to be, totally, and divide your
heart? If you feel that you need more time to work on other priorities
right now, I will understand and support you as best I can. If you need
to reevaluate the direction you decided on taking while you were on vacation
and need to distance yourself from the pulling force of my contact and
company, I hope you know all you have to do is tell me. My love for you
goes beyond the fear of loosing you. I want to be a helpmate to you, not
a hindrance.
I'm happy to hear you are doing better today. The headache came back
during lunch today. It may be due to the constant connection I have with
your energy, but I don't mind absorbing some of the tension that you feel.
Continue to keep a positive attitude about your future. I see great things
coming to you soon. As you allow events to unfold there will be many decisions
to make. I know you will choose what is for your highest good. Hold your
head high. Know that your objectives and motives will be right for where
you are now and where you want to be in the future. My love is with you…
Always,
Ton Ange